Integrity
Webster’s dictionary lists 3 basic definitions:
- Firm adherence to a code or standard of values: Probity
- The state of being unimpaired : Soundness
- The quality or condition of being undivided : Completeness
The first definition is what most people would say integrity is and the third pertains to something such as the stool missing a leg; it lacks complete integrity.
Integrity - in an ontological sense is like the stool. Think of your self as a stool that is out of integrity or in integrity.
When you are in integrity with someone, you are complete, whole, and nothing is hidden.
When you are out of integrity, you are incomplete, missing or hiding something.
A true story of a family out of integrity:
A loving mother and father go through their daughter's room looking for clues as to why she is lying to them about her where abouts lately and an accident she recently had. They suspect alcohol was involved. While they are looking through her things, they come across a sketch of a tattoo. They already knew she wants to get a tattoo and wondered what the significance was of this particular tattoo.
Mind you, these parents are good parents; they love and care deeply for their daughter. The parents came to me and asked what I thought the tattoo meant. I told them to ask their daughter. They replied, "Oh, we can't do that." "Why not, I asked?" "We found it when we were looking through her room." "You looked through her room?" I asked. "Yes, we felt we had to with all that has been going on with her lately. We wanted to make sure she wasn't going to attempt suicide again."
I told them that they should confess that they went through her room and apologize. And simply ask her about the tattoo sketch and what it means to her. They said "She doesn't know we went through her room." I said, "Yes she does. She knows, and she also knows she cannot trust you. If she can't trust her own parents, whom can she trust?"
To be in integrity with their daughter, they must confess what they had done and be straight with her. These parents chose not to tell their daughter as that would make them look bad in their daughter's eyes. I told them they already do look bad. Ignoring it does not make it go away. These loving parents felt that they were justified in doing what they did, and maybe they are. At what cost? Examine your own life; are you hiding something from your loved one? Yes, it may be justified, and you may be right about it. Is it worth the cost to the relationship? Is it worth the cost of integrity?
© Power of the Second Choice | 253.740.5570 | info@powerofthesecondchoice.org
